Our Adoption StoryBen & Steven

How did you decide to adopt a baby?

Being that we are a same-sex couple, the options for us were a little constrained. Part of the reason we decided to adopt was due to the costs and risks compared to surrogacy. The main reason, though, is that we just had a gut feeling that adoption was right for us, and we have no regrets!

Why did you choose to work with Angel Adoption?

We caught baby fever from a bunch of our friends having babies, so we decided to start our adoption journey a few months sooner than initially planned. We came across Angel Adoption while looking at various adoption agencies. The main deciding factors ended up being their high success rate and how involved the team is. The personal adoption experiences the founders had really resonated with us, and we felt like we would be in better hands with Angel than if we had gone elsewhere.

What were your feelings as you began your adoption journey?

We were extremely excited to become parents as it was something we had both wanted for a long time. We were also very relaxed. We understood the wait could be long and that it may not even happen and we were prepared for that. We were expecting to not even make a connection until about a year or so in, so we had very little stress at the start.

How did your friends and family react to your decision to adopt?

Our friends and family were all really excited that we wanted to grow our family. They were all very supportive and could not wait to meet our future addition to our family.

What was it like meeting the birthmother for the first time?

All three of us were nervous but very excited. We had been talking with the birthmother multiple times a week for about two months by the time we met. After the initial icebreakers, we spent the entire weekend socializing with her and meeting her family members. Everyone was so welcoming and we felt like we were already becoming a part of her family.

Did you choose an open or closed adoption?

We elected to do an open adoption. Steven was adopted by his step-father and did not find out about it until his teenage years, so we wanted to be very open with our child about where they came from. We ultimately left the decision up to the birthmother on whether or not the adoption would be open. This was possibly the most difficult decision she will ever have to make and we wanted to respect her wishes.

Describe receiving the call that your baby was being born and traveling to meet her.

An inducement date was scheduled for a Friday morning and our initial plan was to drive in the day before. However, on Monday night of that week, we got a call that the birthmother was heading to the hospital and that she was going to be induced that night. We have never packed for a trip so quickly in our lives we were so excited! About 20 minutes later we were on the road. We left at 9 p.m. and drove 14.5 hours straight.

Describe the experience of finally meeting your baby.

We were lucky enough to make it to the hospital in time to witness our daughter being born. We got to be in the delivery room and we were so excited to be able to experience our daughter entering this world. Steven even got to cut the umbilical cord. We had so much joy and excitement, and it was hard to not tear up.

What is your relationship like with your baby’s birthmother?

We don’t chat as often as we did prior to our daughter’s birth, but we text periodically and chat on the phone. We regularly share pictures with her. When we returned to Colorado to finalize the adoption, we stayed in town to spend time with her and her family. Our relationship with her is very strong and we all feel like family.

What were the biggest challenges of the adoption process?

The biggest challenge was the worry that the adoption would fall through. The thought that the birthmother would change her mind was constantly in the back of our heads. We had invested so much time in building a relationship with our birthmother that we were already in love with our daughter before she was born.

Adoption can be a lengthy process — how did you get through the wait?

Fortunately, our wait was very short. We connected with our birthmother within a month of starting the adoption process. The majority of our wait was waiting for our daughter to arrive. We did a lot to keep ourselves occupied while we were waiting. The more we did, the less time we had to stress about the whole adoption. We spent a lot of time with friends and getting out of the house.

Would you adopt again? Why or why not?

Absolutely. Initially, we were totally set against going through the newborn adoption process again. We were going to consider foster-to-adopt when we wanted to grow our family again due to the stress of it all. But after meeting our little girl, we are a lot more open to going through the same process again.

What advice do you have to share with other adoptive parents?

Enter this journey with an open mind and realistic expectations. It can be a very lengthy and stressful process and higher expectations can lead to disappointment.