When you are faced with the decision to either parent or adopt, there are reasons a birthmother might want to evaluate the placement of her child with an adoptive family as an option. For many pregnant women, the decision to parent could lead to a pressure in their own lives that could take away from the quality of care they could provide for their child, or for themselves. For some women it is just a choice they make based on self evaluation of their own aptitude for parenthood. No matter what the reason is that you may be considering, there is not a right or wrong reason for adoption being a personal best choice. Some women may arrive at adoption easier than others, but here are some questions to ask while you are determining whether or not to make the choice to parent or adopt.
As a birthmother, do I get to decide what kind of adoption that I want for my child?
The answer is yes. The birth parent will decide whether or not an open, semi-open, or closed adoption is the best choice for their child.
Do I get to choose which adoptive family I want to place my child with?
Yes you will be provided with a number or families to choose from. From there you can better determine what your family preferences are for your baby. You will be provided as much information as you need to feel comfortable with your choice. Agencies can provide parent profiles and letters that adoptive parents write to birth parents, and they can can arrange introductions once you have an idea of the families that are suited to you.
How will my child know that I made the choice to adopt out of love for them?
There are a number of resources for adoptive parents that focus on empathizing with your perspective from the beginning of the process. Make sure you consider agencies that offer things like blogs and forums for their waiting adoptive families. They should make a point to talk about the birthmother’s perspective. If you have specific things you want your adoptive parents to tell your child, you can always make sure the agency relays that information to any of your candidate families.
Will I be offered counseling as I go through the adoption process?
Birthparents are offered counseling as they go through the adoption process. Many times you will be referred to specific specialists, counselors or support groups to work through your emotional wellness and perspective through carrying out this choice in the healthiest way. Most good agencies will also offer blogs or other resources that are specifically for birthparents who have arrived at the adoption choice for their child.
If you choose adoption for your baby, you are a hero for making that choice and fulfilling an adoptive family’s dream of having a child. They may not be able to carry out the birth process that you are. Much like there are so many reasons a birthparent chooses adoption, there are also many reasons adoptive families arrive at the same choice. Your choice may be their answered prayer. Even though this decision can be one of the most challenging, we hope to support you through what is right for you. You should feel taken care of with reverence and love.
